Tim Miller: 35 Cents Q & A
One
of the things I really loved about your 35 Cents was how free it is of that
studied cult-of-the-victim writing that makes Oprah all excited. How have you
found such a generous and non-judgmental voice in 35 Cents?
Matty Lee: I think that we each have our own crosses
to bear and comparing them is useless. They are important to us, and yet they
are only relative to our own life experience. For someone with a more
“sheltered” childhood then mine, picking out an outfit for the prom might have
been as traumatic for them as my first night sleeping on the street. On the
other hand there are children growing up today in
TM: You exploration of the
fluidity and chaos of sexual identity is such a strong pulse in the book. That funny & poignant moment in 35 Cents of requesting at the
library James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room as "Georgio
Armani's Room" as a way to figure out if you are gay is so lovely.
What did you learn about the mix-master chaos of sexual identity?
Nothing!
Seriously, I am continuing to learn about human sexuality on a daily basis as I
think we all are. I have been having trouble lately understanding how
“homosexuality” seems to transcend gender reassignment. For instance, a “gay”
female becomes a male and then starts to date men. I think the proper term is
“has-bien” and for men “yester-gay”. I am not
judgmental towards this I am just a bit slow to understand it. So just a few
days ago my girlfriend, who grew up on a farm in
OK
I lied. I do know one thing about sexual identity. Sexual ambiguity is hot! In
fact almost all facets of human sexuality turn me on.
Aint
that the point?
TM:
In many ways older gay men exploited you as a young man in all kinds of
ways, yet in 35 Cents you have such compassion and appreciation for this part
of your life. In what ways you were "raised by queers"?
I
have been raised by queers in so many ways. Just the little things like
shaving, foreign films, good food and stuff like that. So many young guys grow
up these days without good male role models; it’s a shame. The funny thing is
that it was gay men who taught me to be straight. I see so many alleged
straight guys these days who over groom and dress like eighties queens. Whether
they are trying to catch boys or girls they need to take that down a notch.
Look at me giving advice on being straight. I can’t think of two other straight
guys in world who know who Harvey Milk is…
TM: Writing about our own lives is such a
minefield. The tightrope of ethics and betrayal is vibrating wildly as we spill
the beans. As fiercely honest and revealing as 35 Cents is, you approach the
telling of your story with such tender open-hearted presence. You write
of Ralph, your rehab counselor, "When I write of Ralph I would like my
eyes to always light up and my face to become animated." Can we ever
do justice-if there even is such a thing- to ourselves and to the people
who we collide with on our paths?
Unfortunately
not; several times I have found myself becoming animated and highly excited
retelling a certain tale only to look around and see a blank stare on the
listener’s faces. So many people have been bored to tears by my accounts of
Ralph that these days I just keep my mouth shut most of them time. If you see
me sitting quietly with a devilish grin, that’s a pretty good indication that I
am thinking of Ralph. One problem that came up with the manuscript was that I
had to write about Ralph and others not as I am today, but in the voice of
myself as a teenager. That turned out to be a much more daunting task than I
had first imagined. If I were to describe the characters in 35 Cents to you
today, in my own voice as a man, I would not necessarily be adverse to my
younger self, but you would definitely get a different feel. Does that make any
sense?
Tim thank
you again so much for taking your valuable time up with this.
Please let
me know if my answers suck and I will try again.
Good luck
in NY,
Matty Lee